


Not a Beast

by knightinmourning



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22748131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinmourning/pseuds/knightinmourning
Summary: It is not a beast, nor is it something to be feared, but that is not reason to let it fester and fight for control.
Kudos: 3





	1. Not A Beast

When it craves chaos, I must create order.  
When it craves excitement, I must create peace.  
When it craves emptiness, I must create fulfillment.  
When it craves hopelessness, I must create hope.  
When it craves extremes, I must create moderation.  
When it craves risks, I must create boundaries.  
When it craves hatred, I must create love.

It is not a beast within myself, but a part of myself I must learn to love and practice care and patience with, just as I would with anyone else in my life. Gentleness, rather than frustration, anger, or fear, will not tame it but temper it, so that the rest of me might flourish in its stead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and Comments appreciated :)
> 
> I was just diagnosed with bipolar II a couple weeks ago, so I've spent a lot of time recently learning what I can do to manage my illness. It feels good laying out what actions I can take to maintain good health and stability. Though they weren't directly mentioned in the piece, the illnesses within the bipolar spectrum are treated primarily with drugs and therapy, so if you're concerned you might be bipolar, please go see a doctor and get diagnosed - getting treatment has really been life-changing for me.


	2. Friends

My depression and my hypomania are friends.

Heads and tails,  
Black and white,  
Dog and cat,  
A pair that many think are opposing.  
It’s even in the name: _bipolar_.  
But being different does not mean  
Being unkind.  
Being enemies.

Hypomania cares deeply  
For Depression.  
She makes him food,  
Cleans the house,  
Spends time in the sun  
And with friends and family.  
Sometimes she goes for long walks,  
Taking in the beauty of the world.  
Other times, she spends hours  
Writing out everything she’s thinking,  
A lovesong to the creativity of both herself  
And her tired friend.

But being active isn’t the same  
As being healthy.

For everything Hypomania does for Depression,  
Depression does just as much for her.  
He seeks quiet, gentle, calm.  
A silence and stillness that Hypomania  
Could not imagine without him.  
He loves soft things  
And comfort.  
A warm blanket and a comfy bed.  
When Hypomania runs out of energy,  
And cannot go on,  
Depression is there to bundle her up,  
And let her have a long rest.

My depression and my hypomania are friends.  
They take care of each other,  
Even if they don’t always take care of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Midnight

I do my best work at midnight.  
After a couple restless hours of not-sleep,  
I jump out of bed.  
My room needs cleaning.  
I haven’t done laundry for months.  
Brownies sound great, maybe I’ll make some.

A few days from now,  
The brownies will be eaten.  
The clothes washed, but not folded.  
My room clean, but for small pile of clothes,  
That will grow and grow  
Until the next frantic midnight cleaning session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. Stars

I look up at the sky at night  
And see all the stars  
Their gentle shine illuminating  
My tiny world.

I look up  
Because I want to feel small.  
Any single individual’s existence  
Is meaningless  
And fleeting  
In the eyes of the universe.

That might sound hopeless  
Defeating  
Minimalizing.  
“But you matter!” You might argue,  
“You mean something here, on this world!”

But I see it differently.  
Being infinitesimal  
Means that I can be me.  
It means I don’t have to Be Somebody  
Or Do Something.  
I can be whomever I want,  
Because I don’t matter.  
Because I don’t have a role to fulfill.  
No prophecy.  
No fate.

When I look up that night sky with all the stars,  
I think of all the planets.  
Some of those planets,  
They have to have life.  
I mean nothing,  
So I have no reason to believe that I am special,  
That we are alone in the universe.  
So looking out at all those stars,  
And thinking of all those planets,  
And the people - _are aliens people too?_  
People just like me  
Yet so different as well.

I think about someone else,  
On a distant world,  
Looking up at the same sky,  
And wondering the same things.  
Thinking of how miniscule they are,  
In the eyes of the universe.  
Of how connected we all are,  
By the stars  
In the night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You aren't alone. Not on this planet, and on in the universe.


End file.
